No need to go out.

Blimey! We are all on Google maps for The World to see. Fascinating when looking at where other people live, but a little uncomfortable at looking at where we all live, especially in SUCH detail.

Tax collector.

Well. That’s what they are. Carefully positioned on the pavement (which I thought was reserved for pedestrians - Oh well). ‘We’re only doing our job Guv’ they would say. But they’re not. The idiots that do belt along Victoria Park Road at 60 mph do it when the boys in blue are playing snooker in the Police Social Club, pint of mild in hand. These snoopers just get us gullible idiots who let the speedo drift up to 35 mph whist gorping at the Uni students in short skirts, then make us feel like criminals.

Well. The snoopers missed me! I spotted their cheap trick and drove past smiling, benignly, at a steady 20 mph, two fingers waved at them, majestically, from under the dashboard.

Snow stops Queens Road!!

Merry Christmas all. Here’s to open fires, mulled wine, pints of Timothy Taylor’s, roasting chestnuts, carols, proper Christmas Tree’s, Turkey, Cranbury Sauce, crackers, hangover’s, traffic chaos and the Queen’s Speech.

Juicy steaks

Two fillet steaks driven down from Scotland to Archer’s on Queen’s Road, Fried potatoes from Ron Combo’s garden in Italy and mushrooms from Peasgood’s, fried in butter with double cream, as a sauce. Washed down with a decent Cote de Rhone. May find room in about half an hour for a sliver of Ossau-Iratu stinky French cheese. Fantastic! Sorry for the break. Been busy!

Who's foolin' who.

I was greeted at the checkout yesterday (pack of 4 veg samosa’s - £1.45) with a sign congratulating all of us who have helped reduce plastic bag use by 50%. I imagine we are all supposed to feel most virtuous by doing our bit to save the Planet (doomed anyway). But, hold on a minute. Just who is the biggest winner in this campaign? The annual plastic bag budget for a supermarket chain must be colossal. So they have a saving of 50% on that straight away. Us wicker basket users are offered extra Nectar Points for not using bags as some incentive, but most middle aged, middle class, middle income males don’t know their nectars from their elbows. So the supermarkets are on a pretty save deal there. Then - and this is the big one- many of us recycle the give away bags as bin liners. They're bit small, but free. So the supermarket looses out on bin liner sales as well. So next time you are in a supermarket demand a free plastic bag and a spare one to line the bin with! Gosh ! That’s another rant. Must be my age.

Disobedience on the Park.

It was noticed that during the hotter days of this summer, certain irresponsible groups of young people were flagrantly disregarding this important notice. Disposable Barbecue’s bought at Sainsbury’s were being blatantly lit and sausages cooked, whilst alcohol was consumed. Clearly there is a great danger of scorching the short grass and the possibility of burning the odd finger. Grass that would take days to recover! On a stroll across the park after a particularly busy weekend I counted at least five one foot square areas of blackened grass. Disgraceful! I trust that next summer the Council will employ a permanent guard armed with a fire extinguisher. Rather oddly several well attended, and jolly good, music festivals took place on the park this Summer leaving their own temporary scars, but this was okay as it was controlled. I wonder if they ever stop to wonder why so many of us turn to drink, or leave these shores for pastures new in the free World over the Channel.

Tea and home made scones.

Launde Abbey is a beautiful building just 17 miles East of Clarendon Park - A cycle ride for the fit and healthy. Yet, despite it’s proximity few venture down the lanes that lead to it. Heading for Rutland Water at the Bank Holiday we were lured off route at the promise of an ‘Open Day’ at the Abbey. It was like stepping into another World - home-made cakes and cups of tea on the lawn, served by matronly women in check shirts, an overpriced car boot sale trying to flog the junk of the Counties. All in aid of the renovation of this fine building. The Alvis Doctor’s Coupe was on display with a proud owner explaining all about his ‘dickey’ seat to those interested. Old fashioned (Totally inadequate title!) Fairground attractions lumbered round to entertain children. The Home Office's Vetting and Barring Scheme thankfully as yet unannounced, so children and adults could be freely seen within just a few inches of each other, enjoying the day.