In a dastardly move today the Council has announced that we shall now be held responsible for issuing our own parking tickets. This move, hugely unpopular with residents, will save thousands on traffic wardens. Surveillance cameras will be positioned on every street corner and of such high definition they will even be able to read tax disk dates. Car users, the scum of our society, will be charged with sticking parking tickets on their own cars if illegally parked and reporting their own out of date tax disks! Fines will have to be doubled to cover the installation costs, but Graham Ramsbottom, the brains behind the scheme assured people they would soon get used to it like all other stealth taxes. The pioneering scheme is being applauded by snoopers everywhere hunched over monitors in their high vis jackets and hard hats. Possible future developments include catching thieves who bend down and pick up coins off the street, those who don’t own up when they’ve been given too much change in shops and people who wear odd socks. As English subjects will shall, naturally, take it all on the chin. If we were French we would block all the roads with turnips and retreat to a bar until the plan was shelved, but we’re not. Vive le France.
5 comments:
Look, it would be funny if it weren't so nearly true! When you add in the cameras on ATMs, buses, trains, shops, garages etc, it has been said that there are something like 14 MILLION cctv cameras snooping on us poor Brits - one for every 5 people (that the Gov't knows of....). On my little ride to Huddersfield this morning, I went through 15 speed cameras alone - one every 21/2 miles. And all with better lenses than my Olympus Quicksnap!
We have, very sadly, sleepwalked into a police state. Mainly, it has to be said, at the appalling and irredeemable behest of local councils. Plod is just not up to it.
Time to rise up. And start some Direct Action. It's the only thing these fuckers understand. I want to see Jacqui Smith twitching and dribbling as she spins on a rope under a Queens Road lamp post, surrounded by Marston's-crazed voters, all waving their Sky subscription bills at her, chanting her onanist husband's name with horrible menace.
Thanks Ron. With you there. Especially with Dead-Eyed Dick Jacqui Smith.
Let's not be too harsh on Richard Timney. Given a choice between Onanism and the delicious Jacqui, isn't the former a bit of a no-brainer?
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